Misunderstood religion(s)

I read something today and felt extremely upset about it. I deeply feel that the grappling misunderstanding that exists against another person’s religion and belief is something that starts from within that community itself. The way followers promote and impose their beliefs to the public, to each other, is usually through their own understanding of the teachings, meaning it is only their OWN take from it. What happens is that this often warps and changes the actual meaning of what is being taught in that religion.

I personally don’t believe there is any bad god, only FAKE ones most likely created by evil people. It’s people that take the teachings of god in the wrong way that go on to soil the name. I’m not going to mention any, we probably all know some examples. Those within the community might be able to identify the mistake, but to the outsiders who aren’t a part of the religion or belief, they will not give an extra second before labelling the entire group as “evil” or a “cult”, especially when the misunderstanding start to cost lives. It’s really saddening, especially when religion is supposed to be beautiful and life-saving.

For me, religion – or what I’d call it is “spiritual beliefs”, don’t only give life meaning, but it is a form of inner healing and a way of life. As the generation moves on, the clear line between right and wrong has fucked up to no end. The only vaguely pure thing left to educate people how to live by is religion. To believe in something greater than this world, karma, destined relationships etc, it helps one live bigger, even when they’re not in a good place. There’s never an excuse to be a bad person, whether you’re a liar, cheater, murderer or thief whatever no matter what sort of tragic past you’ve had – but who teaches you these things? Who teaches you, that when you get hurt, it doesn’t mean it’s okay to hurt others? Certainly not schools, not even your parents.

The point is, it doesn’t matter if religion is not for everyone, but “to each their own”. It’s just horrible to see hostility as a result of misunderstanding, and even more to see death as a consequence due to followers of a GOOD religion acting foolishly. I will never impose my beliefs on others, not because I think it’s wrong, but because I need to take responsibility for what I do and say.

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Late night rant

I haven’t ranted about anything in a long time, but I feel like tonight, if I don’t get this out, I’m gonna get absolutely no sleep.

In the last year or two, I’ve been bottling so much anger and frustration, and not just because of the trainwreck I got caught in. No, that’s just a small part of it. What absolutely gets on my nerves unlike any physical or emotional pain anyone may cause me, is a traumatc case of communication error, mostly due to a fucking huge amount of illogicality. (Is that even a noun?)

What am I referring to exactly? Well to put it down to one word: Hypocisy.

What does it mean?

Heres some definitions:

  1. of claiming to have higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case
  2. the behaviour of people who do things they tell others not to do

I have only delt with this non-sensical, brain-damaging element of behaviour and speech in previous cases where subject was (or is) deemed psychologically ill. Perhaps that’s what I’m headed to concluding soon once more.

I’m not a highly intelligent person, but I do enjoy an educated conversation with one of my many wise friends. I am also a highly emotional person, so I am open minded to uncontrolled emotional outbursts and illogical behaviour as a result. I am happy to open arms to either a smart, dorky person or a completely damaged person, but I cannot at all, tolerate hypocrisy.

I don’t know how many people have tried arguing, or making sense with a person who is incredibly hypocritical. You would understand that it’s a nightmare. Hypocisy  is the reason that arguments end up in never ending, nasty loops which are used to cover up the hypocrite’s otherwise selfish, immature and ignorant persona. They’re too proud to admit they’re wrong, so instead they begin to twist logic itself until it bends enough in their favour. But what they’ve actually done is created a deadend to a potential solution, and given my brain a giant fucking headache.

Example:

X: I’m a nice/kind person.

Y: *Does something to really piss X off

X: What a fucking lowlife. Seriously the fuck is wrong with him?

X: *Pisses Y off back and leaves situation

X: That asshole. I didn’t even punch his brains out. Why am I so nice??? Goddamn.

Mindfuck even thinking about it.

I have so much more I want to rant about, but that will be all for tonight.

Some FYI to myself 

1. “You can’t force someone to change and to want what you want. You can’t convince someone to feel a certain way about you.”

8. “Instead of feeling sorry for myself because I couldn’t get him to commit in the way I wanted, I felt sorry for him for having so many issues, issues that prevented him from committing to a great woman he had right in front of him.”

31. “Bad relationships are the ones filled with drama. The highs are higher and the lows are lower. When I say ‘bad relationship,’ I mean everything from a toxic, codependent situation to a relationship with a man who won’t commit in a significant way, to a match that is simply incompatible.”

Recent life

It seems as though time only stretches the distance that’s already there, and so quickly that I feel like sometimes my mind is still caught in the past, while in reality the world has long moved forward without me. The very reality that we all feared arrived in such subtle steps no one even noticed it coming – like a swift cut on your skin that you don’t actually feel the pain of until you realise the fact it’s there, and by then there’s no way to unfeel it. 

But I suppose, as difficult it is to admit, everyone appears happy where they are, and the fear we once shared perhaps wasn’t so bad as we thought. Out of all the things that united us, that was one of them. And disappointingly, none of it seems to matter anymore. I mean not always, but there’s just these times I get sad thinking about how quickly it just all changed? It’s just growing up right… 

That’s some of what’s been going through my head recently, and now on with my physical side of life. I have finally reached the last few weeks of this (fucking) semester, one which has been another nightmare. On one hand, I had an assignment for vivid which, at first, would have been absolutely exciting right, and it was – until I was grouped with two new people who turned out both less clueless than I am. I’m not sure how many of you can understand the sort of dread I felt when I realised I was the only one who had any ideas, and without being fit to lead, direct and carry the project. We ended up being called to the speak to the head teacher in just our third or was it fourth week of uni? And by the end of it I have pulled more late nights at uni than the last two years combined, all the while the tutors weren’t pleased, and it was the first time I hated my own group mates with a horrible passion. They can be bad at animation I don’t care, but the many times I was left on my own to finish what they can’t and initiate things made my guts cry. You could’ve at least been moral support! There was literally once I highfived the girl after our presentation because I needed a highfive for all the work I did. 

And now after many weeks of assignment trauma… our work is finally up and playing beautifully and painfully on Vivid. Yay! Anyone passing UTS at night should go and have a peek behind the Central Park building, may not look like much but it was a lot of sweat and work yo.
While that was happening, this semester I’ve also been working two different jobs. One at Longines, where I also had a few drama here and there with the manager, and the other one at my dad’s press. I’m officially an English editor of fashion magazine “Vision”! It’s a Chinese-English magazine my dad initiated this year composed of all the high end fashion trends and art/lifestyle in Australia and it’s been quite a success despite the small company. Which I’m happy for! I was literally the editor of all the English articles and I’m quite excited to see everything in print soon!!! 

As for the rest of my life, well it’s never so much as left the bottom of the drain. I’m constantly looking for that sheer of hope that never comes, and I sort of just accepted that the emotional end of my life is going to suck for a while now. I ask myself why I bothered, besides the whole emotional attachment thing, I think it was mostly because a tiny part of me thought I could prove everyone wrong. That I could prove myself wrong. But now I realise that was just me being illusional as always. 

I’m improving, I swear. 

I hate how dreams use past people/events of your lifetime, screw them around a bit so they all fit into the present timeframe and make you sort of miss them when you wake up. It’s like as if the missing becomes a surreal part of your reality now instead of being sure this is how I feel.

Empathy

I used to believe empathetic people dominated the earth. That the planet will never be short of its production of these humans who possess as much emotion as thought, who thinks for people and knows how to be kind, whether or not they mean so. But after going through a lot of reality checks with myself, I realised I’ve been nothing but naive. Empathetic people are scarce, and the capability to feel empathy is such a rare and precious trait for anyone to have. 

Decision and regret

Have you ever decided to buy a very expensive item that might have been sitting on your Wishlist for quite some time, and you are happy as f*. Then on your way home you happen to lose your wallet which carried another $50 in cash, and cards which probably cost a total of $75 to replace all of them. But that’s okay because you still have what you bought to keep your mood up. But then by time you get home, you realise you have the wrong size or colour or whatever, and have to take it back to the shop for an exchange the next day, costing you another hour or so of your time. Which, doesn’t even include the time you took to go and buy it. So basically in the end, this item didn’t just cost it’s priced amount, but also a wallet and $125, and several hours. Does all that process? 

So, now. Do you:

1. Regret buying the item in the first place if you knew it was going to cost you all this trouble 

2. Suck it up because it’s already happened and it’s not like regretting will get you back the time and money anyway 

3. Treasure the item even more because of how much it actually costed you, in other words, make it worth 

There’s a metaphor to think about. Because sometimes, what you want might cost a lot more than you expected to give, and when that happens, the last thing I want to do is regret it. I make a lot of bad choices that I wish I’d never done, but there are some decisions that, no matter how much trouble I get into for, I will stand by it. That’s how you know something is worth the fight. Maybe one day you will replace that item with a new one, or even lose it, but that’s life. My moral is simply: don’t regret what once made you happy.