Wanderlust

I wish to go on an adventure. Perhaps nothing like exploring abandoned/haunted houses or getting lost deep inside the woods or skinny dipping in unknown waters, but some place less life threatening yet still exciting… like a new suburb or city, a hidden beach nobody really goes to, a world heritage site, disneyland, a dessert restaurant selling pretty desserts or anywhere either thought-provoking or photo-worthy. I’m not one for thrill, all my fun comes from good company (and good food). I wouldn’t mind whether it’s with one person, or a whole group of people, as long as they’ve got that spark of wanderlust in them too and enjoys new things and most of all – doesn’t mind if the whole trip ends up pointless – because adventures were never meant to be about the destination anyway.

I’ve been falling in and out of this world lately. I’m not sure if it’s the effects of over-romanticizing… or just lack of sleep, but I can barely hold a conversation without zoning off and losing sight of what I’m meant to be doing. I say the wrong things and regret it when it’s too late but I keep saying the wrong things. I’m feeling heavily restrained, cooped up and uncomfortable, like I don’t belong where I am. I’m so glad it’s the holidays, I need some time to myself and get back on track before I actually go crazy, and lots and lots of time to hang out with the people I love! That never goes wrong.

If only I can drive, I’d go on a solo road trip.

Soon you can only wonder where the girl you knew has gone

I am so frustrated at the way life keeps hoarding me with unwanted company. It’s definitely not in my best interest to give people the cold shoulder and avoid and ignore because I know how much it sucks if someone did that to me, but is it my fault I don’t like them? Is it my fault that THEY ARE ANNOYING? It’s definitely not my fault that I am constantly stuck with such people wherever I go. Boy, I sure hope nobody feels that way about me. But unlike these absent minded people, at least I can take a hint and back off (I think). You’re not as cool as you think you are, and if other people dislike you, chances are – I do too. Stupid. 

I’ve changed haven’t I? The “nice” me, whatever that was, disappeared with the last couple of years and now I can’t even pretend I like someone if I don’t. As much as I want to be the “nice” person in people’s eyes, it comes to a point where I stop giving a shit because my patience simply doesn’t extend any further. As much as I hate to be the person who ruined someone’s day, mood or just upset them in any way, well… Sorry not sorry. If it was intentional, then it was probably deserving and I’m a grudge keeper of people who do me wrong. Whether we go back weeks, months or even years, once I lose respect for you then that’s it BYE BYE I would not like to have anything to do with you AGAIN. My greatest fault was ever thinking they were better than they are.

Something I didn’t say out loud today: The thought that I have to see you for another 4 years is what’s ‘disgusting’. 

Don’t mind me, this post goes in multiple directions. I just really don’t enjoy the amount of attention I get from the very people I don’t want any attention from.

JUST GO AWAY