The cons of social life 

I saw this post from UTS confessions the other day and decided to take a screen shot for keeping… It’s so terrible! But when I put it to perspective, woooow, it isn’t untrue at all. 

I won’t say I agree with this unappreciative guy who wrote this about his friends, but no kidding I fit right into that list. I’m constantly being influenced to spend more time than necessary outside of uni, and I mean on days we’re staying back to “work”, not actual outings. There was once where we went all the way to Harbourside just to grab lunch and then all the way back to uni and we got back literally 4 hours later. This was when I had an assignment due soon too… 

Also I probably get taken to eat expensive restaurant food more than I eat cheaper takeaway alternatives. Honestly it’s a wonder why I’m fat AND poor. Only on days I’m alone in the labs do I get the luxury of having just sushi rolls… Or just something simple. And eat in front of the computer too. Lol. Sitting in restaurants is a giant waste of time!!!! 

And friends mean drama… Always. Inevitable! Drama! Things have been getting a little tense lately… As proximity increases so does depth of familiarity… And slowly we discover flaws in people that we’re not so tolerable or compatible with. Sounds familiar yes? Just like what happens in every group. Aiya… 

So yes a social life does indeed have big cons to it. You’re constantly torn between prioritising work or company, and most of the times you fall for company so that you don’t miss out on things. There’s still more pros than cons though in my opinion. 

On another note I realised that when people talk to me about someone, I agree too quickly. I mean, usually I can see it as well, but when I agree it sounds like I’m bitching too. I’m not though! I hope I didn’t/don’t give off that impression too much. Eeeek 

Emo child

So I was looking for another exercise book to practice Jap in and in one of them found more of my sister’s old… Interesting scrawls. 

Phobias? Really? 

    

No idea when this was from but she obviously found interest copying, in alphabetical order, a list of Phobias she probably found online… and reaching the Ds before she gave up or just never had the chance to resume writing. 

In other pages were also other very perculiar scrawlings. 

   

 

It just made me feel so nostalgic. She was always such as “strange” creature of a sister to me, yet this is also the her I think I remember best. That period before she left for New York she was fresh in grade 9, and the sort of things she liked, things she did, I suppose I found very out there and absurd for somebody her age. 

If I could visually describe the things she liked, or create, it’d be pitch black blackness. Everything she liked was dark. Which is why I liked to call her an emo child back then. She preferred things in grayscale, listened to strictly depressing rock music, engaged in shows about crime investigations, and when she wrote, she only really wrote about what she hated. 

She also lived like an otaku. At 13 she got a computer and Internet in her own room, and since then spent hours straight inside just reading and reading manga. I wouldn’t be surprised if she went through all of the shonen available on mangafox, because I remember a time where she told me she had to start reading shoujo simply because she had nothing else left. She hardly went out, or wanted to. She was a book worm who enjoyed being at home in her super messy room. Yet as if that wasn’t enough, she was ironically also very active. She loved sports and had a HUGE passion for basket ball. 

Overtime she started to also experiment with her artistic end. She bought pens and copics and would draw pages and pages of detailed eyes. At some point, she found interest in “Tatoo art”. She came home from school with a brand new design on her arm every day, ready to post on Instagram. I think this is about the time my mum also began considering her Auditioning. 

So by here, my memory of her is very vivid. A tall girl with a long ass pony tail, earphones hanging out, dressed in dirtied Sefton uniform, holding a Basket ball under one arm that probably looks bruised but is actually just an ugly dark pen drawing. That was Kathy prior New York. 

She was such a mysterious child that I often felt paranoid to what she was going to grow into when she gets older. But now that she left and lives overseas, the times she does come back is almost like meeting a different person. The Kathy I remember is still that emo child from before, but it’s obvious she’s no longer that person. I’m happy but sad at the same time, I miss her weirdness. I hope we can start over the sister bondship when she’s back in time for college (if she does decide to come back). 

Weary 

When it’s late at night and you’re comfortable in bed with nothing you need to wake up early for, best feeling ever right. Time to read until whenever, or watch a movie or marathon something right. BUT NO WHY AM I NOT ENJOYING IT. Chest is burning and my eyes are pain… I don’t know from when onwards but I just can’t stay up, like, AT ALL anymore. I have become old and weary… And weak. 

Of all people that I could’ve hung out with today

Remember how I mentioned when you stop giving someone attention, that’s when they start to give you more? 

I had to go uni to hand in an assignment today with nothing planned afterwards, and to no surprise I bumped into a certain person. Well, we did the same course so of course I’d see him around. But what I didn’t expect was how I ended up spending the rest of the afternoon with him… Offering to shop with me, finished with dinner, and walked me all the way back to the station. It was weird… 

I mean after last year itd make more sense if we had little association with one another, at least in my opinion. But somehow I get signs to show he’s quite eager to stay “friends.” Maybe because I’m one of the few people at uni who he could actually talk to about “personal” stuff? I don’t want to be a superifical person who only cared when I “liked” him, so maybe I should keep being a friend… 

I was really just worried that if we stayed friends I’d start to like him again and back to square 1 I go. I didn’t really feel anything though so that’s a good sign so far, it better stay that way! 

On another note, we bumped into my friends on the way back… They’re either going to 1. Talk about how I probably like him again or something’s going on 2. How I left them to hang with him 3. Both. Sighhhhhhhh not really my fault… It’s so hard to know what people are really thinking sometimes, but I’m just going to assume he just wanted someone to talk to/hang with. 

Romance, feels and the emotional gap 

I don’t know if this happens to anybody else, but when I’m listening to an emotional love song or observing a romantic scene in a drama, I would always think of someone. Now this is really easy when I’m in love, but when I’m not, this someone is not always one specific person. Or any specific person. Most of the times its only the essence of someone I consider ideal, and am emotionally attached to in some way. 

That being said, I personally don’t believe there’s anyone who “doesn’t like anybody”. At such a mature age I think it’s impossible to be completely unattached, the feeling just may not be strong to a point you realise it or sure of it being “real”. But everyone has someone to fill their emotional gap with I’m sure. 

Something high school taught me was that this doesn’t always come in the form of a “crush” with the cutest boy in class. It could also very much be an idol you really love, an idea of someone you barely know, or even a non real-life character of an anime or show. More alternatively even, you could have a lot of friends, or a best friend that keep you from ever feeling empty. But then they’ll still be the people on your mind. 

When you listen to a good love song, who or what do you think of? 

When you see a cute couple on the streets, do you ever imagine that to be you and someone? 

When you watch a really touching romantic scene on screen, maybe where the hero sacrifices himself to do something for the heroine, is there ever a person you think of? A person you wish could do that for you, or a person you wish you could do that for?

I don’t think you can just not think or feel anything. If there’s really no one, do you actually just have an empty mind? Maybe I’m just being too much of a romantic, thinking everyone also gets into these longing, romantic states that I do. I kind of did just crawl into bed after a good afternoon with some tragic romance drama and my feels are going crazy. And yes face(s) popped up that I wish wouldn’t. 

I also realise I ask a lot of rheorical questions when I post. It might just be me pretending I post a lot of relatable things and that ya’ll feel me. Well do ya?  

Thoughts on Japan

The other day there was a meeting for the Global studios 10-day exchange elective, where my baldy animation tutor took us through Japanese history, art (trying to entertain us with very graphical “octopus art” and failing), and then went through the trip schedule which was when it became quite very convincing. 

Besides the daily scheduled meet ups with the tutor to go places and attend work shops, every other hour around it is your own to spend. You choose your own flight and your own accomodation and, if it suits you and your mates, you can stay longer (or go earlier like Lynda and Tracy are doing). 

A few main places to go include: 

Ghibli Musuem



Manga Museum



Tokyo University



Yoyogi Park (Cosplay Park) 



Then there’s stuff like the temples/shrines, 5am auction fish markets, Sumo wrestler training grounds, Calligraphy workshops and moreee. 



My biggest excitements would probably be seeing White Japan and Disneyland. 🙂

MONEY wise, not only do we get a 6K loan from Hecs, UTS itself is willing to give us $700. I mean that’s my tickets, accomodation AND all my shopping money covered – what IS there to say no to?!?! 

Um… Maybe just the fact I have nobody to go with. A good time for the forever alone hashtag would be now. My friends don’t get the local benefits and the locals aren’t people I’d call my friends so… Yeah. No one. 

I actually now really envy Tracy and Lynda having each other for their exchange trip. I want an everything buddy. Or a travel buddy. WHERE ARE YOU. どこですか?! 

I know I’m already going on a one year exchange, which is enough time to explore all around the Japanese cities and maybe even islands. But you know me, and I know me. I will stand in the middle of the street and be a clueless piece of shit if I had to get anywhere myself for the first time. It’d be so nice to get an idea of everything beforehand so that I don’t freak out completely! Apparently one rule I learnt and we should take note of is that you never rock up to a place and expect to be let in, like a museum. The Japanese believe in pre booking only. That’s probably just one of too many “things you should know before you go to Japan”. 

Exploring a new country is something I would really prefer to do with friends, or if not my sister. Especially Japan since its been anticipated about for some time… A LONG time. But on an honest note, I’m having my doubts whether this trip will even happen anymore. Organising actually gives me emotional trauma, you guys do not even understand! I’ll talk more of that another time though. For now I’ll just keep studying the language and hope I don’t become one of those people who drop their second degree, then see what happens.