Decision and regret

Have you ever decided to buy a very expensive item that might have been sitting on your Wishlist for quite some time, and you are happy as f*. Then on your way home you happen to lose your wallet which carried another $50 in cash, and cards which probably cost a total of $75 to replace all of them. But that’s okay because you still have what you bought to keep your mood up. But then by time you get home, you realise you have the wrong size or colour or whatever, and have to take it back to the shop for an exchange the next day, costing you another hour or so of your time. Which, doesn’t even include the time you took to go and buy it. So basically in the end, this item didn’t just cost it’s priced amount, but also a wallet and $125, and several hours. Does all that process? 

So, now. Do you:

1. Regret buying the item in the first place if you knew it was going to cost you all this trouble 

2. Suck it up because it’s already happened and it’s not like regretting will get you back the time and money anyway 

3. Treasure the item even more because of how much it actually costed you, in other words, make it worth 

There’s a metaphor to think about. Because sometimes, what you want might cost a lot more than you expected to give, and when that happens, the last thing I want to do is regret it. I make a lot of bad choices that I wish I’d never done, but there are some decisions that, no matter how much trouble I get into for, I will stand by it. That’s how you know something is worth the fight. Maybe one day you will replace that item with a new one, or even lose it, but that’s life. My moral is simply: don’t regret what once made you happy. 

Aquarius

I have read too many novels, manga, seen too many anime, dramas and movies that it’s become detrimental to my emotional health when I fail again and again to prepare for the reality of this world. A world where, you will eventually find, you are alone in. There is no one who will coincidentally run into you when you’re upset and waiting to be found, and then end up sitting on a cliff side overlooking the ocean with while you cry and talk your heart out. Or something. There is, of course, no one who will look at you and tell you they understand how you feel. Your mind could be chaos and no one will hear, or know, a single damn thing.

And that is the life I have got to learn to accept. At the end of the day, you, my dear Aquarius, are on your own.

I think it’s the worst part about being upset as an Aquarius child. You want someone to understand except you never let anyone get the chance to, you want to be cared about but you hide and shut yourself out, you want to say something but you always end up keeping everything to yourself. But most of all, our solitary hearts means that in those moments, we could simply get up and leave, forever. What’s there left to hold you back if you’re alone anyway? At least that’s the mindset.

Recently I’ve been thinking. Whenever I get uncomfortable, or feel disconnected in some place, I get easily disheartened and start to think to myself “I don’t like this.” “I don’t belong here.” “Maybe I should be somewhere else.” But I’ve come to realise this isn’t the right way of thinking. Everything needs time, work. If you can’t find your place there at first, mark it. Work on it and mark your name in fat ass letters on it. Make it unforgettable so that even if you do leave, at least it was worthwhile. It’s better than hopping about and never sort of being able to settle. Like me and my jobs for instance. And relationships. And everything basically. Even if I am “destined” to travel some lonely ass Aquarius road, giving up should never be an option.

Sorry for the emo post after being MIAS for so long. In other news, I have started my first week at Longines Boutique. Lovely shop, lovely watches, not so lovely uniform and incredibly boring kind of job to work in luxury products, but I’m learning to love it. My manager(s) and co-workers are so far a very wonderful bunch of people. Holidays in 2 weeks too. I can’t wait.