I have read too many novels, manga, seen too many anime, dramas and movies that it’s become detrimental to my emotional health when I fail again and again to prepare for the reality of this world. A world where, you will eventually find, you are alone in. There is no one who will coincidentally run into you when you’re upset and waiting to be found, and then end up sitting on a cliff side overlooking the ocean with while you cry and talk your heart out. Or something. There is, of course, no one who will look at you and tell you they understand how you feel. Your mind could be chaos and no one will hear, or know, a single damn thing.
And that is the life I have got to learn to accept. At the end of the day, you, my dear Aquarius, are on your own.
I think it’s the worst part about being upset as an Aquarius child. You want someone to understand except you never let anyone get the chance to, you want to be cared about but you hide and shut yourself out, you want to say something but you always end up keeping everything to yourself. But most of all, our solitary hearts means that in those moments, we could simply get up and leave, forever. What’s there left to hold you back if you’re alone anyway? At least that’s the mindset.
Recently I’ve been thinking. Whenever I get uncomfortable, or feel disconnected in some place, I get easily disheartened and start to think to myself “I don’t like this.” “I don’t belong here.” “Maybe I should be somewhere else.” But I’ve come to realise this isn’t the right way of thinking. Everything needs time, work. If you can’t find your place there at first, mark it. Work on it and mark your name in fat ass letters on it. Make it unforgettable so that even if you do leave, at least it was worthwhile. It’s better than hopping about and never sort of being able to settle. Like me and my jobs for instance. And relationships. And everything basically. Even if I am “destined” to travel some lonely ass Aquarius road, giving up should never be an option.
Sorry for the emo post after being MIAS for so long. In other news, I have started my first week at Longines Boutique. Lovely shop, lovely watches, not so lovely uniform and incredibly boring kind of job to work in luxury products, but I’m learning to love it. My manager(s) and co-workers are so far a very wonderful bunch of people. Holidays in 2 weeks too. I can’t wait.