It seems as though time only stretches the distance that’s already there, and so quickly that I feel like sometimes my mind is still caught in the past, while in reality the world has long moved forward without me. The very reality that we all feared arrived in such subtle steps no one even noticed it coming – like a swift cut on your skin that you don’t actually feel the pain of until you realise the fact it’s there, and by then there’s no way to unfeel it.
But I suppose, as difficult it is to admit, everyone appears happy where they are, and the fear we once shared perhaps wasn’t so bad as we thought. Out of all the things that united us, that was one of them. And disappointingly, none of it seems to matter anymore. I mean not always, but there’s just these times I get sad thinking about how quickly it just all changed? It’s just growing up right…
That’s some of what’s been going through my head recently, and now on with my physical side of life. I have finally reached the last few weeks of this (fucking) semester, one which has been another nightmare. On one hand, I had an assignment for vivid which, at first, would have been absolutely exciting right, and it was – until I was grouped with two new people who turned out both less clueless than I am. I’m not sure how many of you can understand the sort of dread I felt when I realised I was the only one who had any ideas, and without being fit to lead, direct and carry the project. We ended up being called to the speak to the head teacher in just our third or was it fourth week of uni? And by the end of it I have pulled more late nights at uni than the last two years combined, all the while the tutors weren’t pleased, and it was the first time I hated my own group mates with a horrible passion. They can be bad at animation I don’t care, but the many times I was left on my own to finish what they can’t and initiate things made my guts cry. You could’ve at least been moral support! There was literally once I highfived the girl after our presentation because I needed a highfive for all the work I did.
And now after many weeks of assignment trauma… our work is finally up and playing beautifully and painfully on Vivid. Yay! Anyone passing UTS at night should go and have a peek behind the Central Park building, may not look like much but it was a lot of sweat and work yo.
While that was happening, this semester I’ve also been working two different jobs. One at Longines, where I also had a few drama here and there with the manager, and the other one at my dad’s press. I’m officially an English editor of fashion magazine “Vision”! It’s a Chinese-English magazine my dad initiated this year composed of all the high end fashion trends and art/lifestyle in Australia and it’s been quite a success despite the small company. Which I’m happy for! I was literally the editor of all the English articles and I’m quite excited to see everything in print soon!!!
As for the rest of my life, well it’s never so much as left the bottom of the drain. I’m constantly looking for that sheer of hope that never comes, and I sort of just accepted that the emotional end of my life is going to suck for a while now. I ask myself why I bothered, besides the whole emotional attachment thing, I think it was mostly because a tiny part of me thought I could prove everyone wrong. That I could prove myself wrong. But now I realise that was just me being illusional as always.
I’m improving, I swear.